Sodaro's Stories

November 30, 2010

Quiet whisperings

Filed under: Writer's thoughts — michelle sodaro @ 3:08 pm

So I have mentioned that my beautiful muse turns and runs when there is too much chaos in my mind, and it doesn’t matter if the chaos is self-induced or just a natural by-product of living a life with other people. My current chaos is mostly self-induced…I took on too much without giving myself a break between when my life was too busy and when my life relaxed; I wanted to make up for lost time so I piled it all on my own plate…and my sweet muse was tolerant for a bit…though I knew she was laughing and shaking her head at me.
So when it got to be the closing time for my doctorate quarter which always perfectly coincides with the closing of my teaching quarter, added to this time of the year (which is always tricky for me) and some personal things that have my heart and my mind befuddled, my muse silently and gracefully took a step back, knowing that with everything else I could and would put her on the back burner, for I had no other choice. I had to finish my class by its deadline; I had to finish my grades by their deadline. These things are not choices or options and are not in my control.
I worried…as I always do, when I have to tell my muse…”just give me a minute, here…let me get some things done and then I promise…” that she would say “no. I can’t do this anymore. You are either a writer or you’re not. I can’t keep waiting for you to decide that this is a priority…that this IS your life.” I worried that she tired of my plate piling and left for good. I worry this often as I have promised her often that this time would be the last time I let life get in the way…but sometimes life just gets in the way.
I drove to work this morning…feeling good that my doctorate class was done, that my grades were mostly done, that my portion of my paper was turned in…and while I drove, I heard the quiet whisperings of a voice I know by heart. She whispered about my current novel, and simply said “how about we do this…” and I knew it was going to be all right.


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