Sodaro's Stories

November 27, 2011

So hard to be faithful…

Filed under: Writer's thoughts — michelle sodaro @ 1:52 pm

Relax…I’m not in a secret relationship…it’s just funny that something that is just done (not saying it’s easy or difficult) in real life…when I am in a relationship, I am faithful for the duration of the relationship…but in my writing…it is SO hard to keep myself to the same standards.
And the ridiculous part is that things are going REALLY well with Arianna’s Honor the scene I have always wanted to write came through beautifully…the novel is right in the exciting part where it is almost manic in the attempt to get the words down. I dream of the novel, I think of it in the day time…there are probably 7 chapters to its completion (which is more the OCD thing as that would make it 30 chapters which is a nice number). Things are going REALLY REALLY well…
And yet…sigh. There are other stories that are doing everything they can think of to get my attention. Characters whispering sweet somethings in my ear when I am crafting the next scene, showing up in my dreams, distracting me to the point that I want to stray. I want to go play with the pretty side projects, those projects that I promise will be the primary area of focus once Arianna’s story is done. But just like any mistress, they don’t want to wait. They see how excited I am with Arianna and her prince…they see how the words just flow on to the paper like water, and they want that…well, let’s be honest…who wouldn’t want that kind of attention.
But I will perservere. I will remain loyal to the story that has been more patient with me than I deserve. The story that has stood by and waited countless other times when I did stray. I jot down the ideas that come to me about the other projects, because of course with the creative energy at play, what is coming to mind are amazing ideas…but I will stay true to Arianna to the end this time. I owe her that. Wish me luck.

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November 26, 2011

Searching…

Filed under: Writer's thoughts — michelle sodaro @ 12:23 am

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell
I’ve been a teacher for 15 years. I have known I was going into teaching even longer than that. I have been a writer since I first put crayon to paper. I will continue to be a writer…and I may continue to be a teacher…the jury is still out on that…mostly though, I am just so restless, I am about to burst out of my skin.
I wanted to get healthier…went to the gym for 7 straight days in order to get healthier…then I had a pajama day and haven’t gone back since. I will get healthier, but it is nice to know that people like me the way I am and would continue to do so if I got healthier…not the swing vote, but nice to hear.
I have moved about 7 times in the past 5 years…I joke that it is to stay one step ahead of the stalkers, but in actuality, I am just looking for a place to call home…haven’t found it yet.
I have taken an official leave of absence from my PhD, effective December 5th until June. I did this for financial reasons as I have used up my student loans, but also for a mental reason. I’m just exhausted…and the crux of it is, I don’t know if I want to teach anymore. Dad asked a question recently that sent me pondering something I’ve never let myself ponder. He asked me when the last time was that I was really happy teaching. To be honest…it’s been a while.
So, I’m applying to jobs outside of teaching…and we’ll see what happens. I want to be an author, and teach when I choose to, if I choose to…and Joseph Campbell’s quote hits it right on the head…I am getting rid of the concepts of the life I have planned, to see what life is waiting for me. Maybe it is still in education…maybe it is a different life altogether. One thing I do know is that my books will continue to be on the forefront of my mind…they have been on the bottom of the list for far too long. But what I do to pay the bills…yeah, that may change…we’ll see what the universe comes up with.

November 20, 2011

And that makes 100

Filed under: Writer's thoughts — michelle sodaro @ 4:18 pm

WordPress tells me that this is my 100th blog…goodness I’m wordy…but then I have a lot to say, so…it makes sense I’m an author.
I thought with this being a milestone (and coincidently, with Thanksgiving being next week) that I would take a moment to once again express my gratitude to some of the many blessings in my life:
–to my mom, who sacificed so much so that we never knew anything or anyone was missing as we grew up;
–to my Ducky (and her beautiful famil)y, who supports me and loves me and makes the pond that separates us seem not so far away after all;
–to Gary (and my guys), who love their Mich without limit and always listen to my ramblings and then distract me with something shiny;
–to Trav, who continues to inspire and guide me and who got this publication dream off the ground, I miss you and love you still;
–to Debbie and Julia and Celia and the rest of my ITT friends whom I don’t get to see much anymore but still cherish with all that is in me;
–to the students who love me and talk to me even when I’m not giving them a grade;
–to my kittens who “help” me write and take care of the pieces of paper I crumble up;
–to my dad and step-mom and sister and brother who support me even as they are dealing with their own lives and struggles;
–to my nephews and niece who are perfect and amazing and make me so proud to be an aunt;
–to those people that have been friends with me for years or for months and put up with my crazy and help me to find focus and direction;
–to my muse, who never leaves me for long and can always be bribed by coffee, sex, or pancakes (thus the title of the upcoming book about her);
–to the authors of all the books I have loved or hated who taught me what to do or not do;
–to Pandora for so often getting it perfect, and for apologizing when they get it wrong;
–to Walden for allowing me a Leave of Absence to get my head back in the game for the completion of my PhD;
–to my characters for telling me what to write;
–and to me…for, well…just being me…good, bad, or otherwise…I’m always me.

November 17, 2011

Dream Dream Dream…when I feel blue…

Filed under: Writer's thoughts — michelle sodaro @ 11:59 pm

So I know I haven’t been writing enough lately…because as it always happens, my dreams get really really wonky when I haven’t had any play time…and with all of the things in my life causing me to spin almost completely out of orbit….I have not had the time or ability to create any new chapters for my fictional friends. I also have not been up for swimming even though I know that swimming would help to calm me and center me and would therefore make it easier to have ability to write, which would then take less time…and the spinning begins again. What I really need to do, is have some down time…some time to just breathe in and breathe out and lock myself in a room with my pens and my notebooks…and probably the kittens since I haven’t been home much at all and they are rather anxious…but I need to just write.
I always know when I have been too long away from my solace when it starts to affect my dreams. Now being a creative person, I normally have some pretty hectic, busy dreams to start with…it’s where the ideas have started for so many of my novels…and poems…and projects. But when I haven’t put pen to paper in a while, my dreams become weird combinations of real life and all of my stories put together in one big cacophony of images. All of my characters screaming for my attention mixed with all of the settings in my stories as well as random friends, co-workers, and students (all groups from past and present) makes for mass confusion in my head…but the point is clear. I need to write….and write I shall. Wish me luck!!!! I’m going head first into the chaos of my imagination.

November 10, 2011

And again I am reminded…and humbled

Filed under: Writer's thoughts — michelle sodaro @ 11:01 pm

So once again, I get a sign even I, in my ever-so-constant personal bubble, cannot help but notice. A sign that I am in fact, not only on the right path, but am also surrounded by support and kindness and love, the likes of which I have never questioned but am amazed by on a daily basis. I was spinning out of control…not knowing about my immediate future…my employment questions have been answered…and my living space question has added some interesting possibilities into my mind. Added to that the overemphasis on finishing my doctorate in the next two quarters (damn limitations to how much graduate debt one can incur…), and I could not be more aware of the fact that the path I am on is the one I need to be on and I need to kick it up a notch and stay on track even more than I have been. I am not allowed silly distractions right now…hell, I might even give up World of Warcraft for a little bit…though those shinies are awfully appealing…okay, giving it up entirely might now be feasible, but I will definitely limit my play time…have to get this doctorate to the point of being All But Dissertation…so so so so so close.
Every time I make a wish I wish to be healthy financially, physically, and emotionally…I’m happy to report that I am on my way in all three. GO ME!!
Thank you universe for your none-too-subtle reminder that you completely have my back. I’d like to say I won’t forget again, but I try really hard to not lie…
Thank you for my support system…without you I would be flying out of orbit somewhere.

November 6, 2011

OKAY!!!! I’m listening…

Filed under: Writer's thoughts — michelle sodaro @ 1:39 pm

So it is a pretty well-known fact that sometimes, you have to say my name a few times before I tune in that you are talking yo me…the universe knows this about me as well.
So I was freaking out (as I do) about the upcoming months (ITT may not have any classes for me, my other job pays my bills but that stretches it as far as that can go, my apt lease is up in March, I don’t know where I want to apply to in June once I get to apply to universities, if I don’t get ITT classes I may have to find another part-time job or give up the dream of being part-time and join the grown-up world again with a full-time job, etc. etc. etc.) Pretty typical for me to be so spinn-y.
So yesterday the following things happened: I wanted to write a poem but with all my spinning couldn’t decide on a topic, so I turned to Judy Reeves’ Book of Days and the topic for yesterday’s date was “Divine Intervention” which is now the title of the poem I will share shortly…during the writing of the last verse of this poem, “Jesus take the Wheel” came on Pandora…and lunch with two of my closest friends reminded me that ever since I started on this path toward my doctorate and my novels, things have fallen into place and I just need to hold on a little bit longer. Okay…I am listening…
Here’s my poem:
Divine Intervention
Right now I am spinning in a world of chaos
I don’t know which way I should go
I don’t know where to work or where to live
I don’t know what I want in a beau
I have no clue what I should focus on
I have too many questions to mention
What I really am in need of right now
Is some divine intervention.

I’m more than happy to let the universe drive
I’ve handed over the steering wheel
It’s always best to sit in the passenger seat
When you don’t even really know how to feel.
But I never have been patient
And I could really use a premonition
Some tiny little sign of where I’m headed
I need some divine intervention.

I know whichever way I end up
Will be right where I’m supposed to be
I just wish I could face the direction
The universe has planned for me.
I know that all will be revealed
And it is not productive to question
I just could use some answers right now
I need some divine intervention.
Michelle Sodaro
11/5/2011

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