Sodaro's Stories

August 11, 2012

Right Here, Right Now

Filed under: Writer's thoughts — michelle sodaro @ 12:38 pm
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“Right here, right now, there is no other place I’d rather be.” Right here, right now — Jesus Jones

Okay, so that song lyric is not the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me God…but it’s a goal, and I think it’s a relatively good one to have.
I spend a lot of time looking forward. It is, on one hand, the way I get and keep my momentum to accomplish my aspirations. On the other hand, it can (and has been) be argued that I spend so much time in the “then” that I completely disregard the “now.”
I picture myself on a beach, writing 8-10 hours a day, loving the knowledge that my novels are out in the world, that my characters are out there for people to love or hate or disregard compleltey…but they exist outside of my head. My educational writings are used as reference material or paperweights, but again, exist in tangible form. This is the “then” that I dream of…will I get there? While there are no certainties in life, I wouldn’t bet against me.
But my “now” is not my “then.” No where near in fact…and that has been what I have been focused on…how much better my “then” will be compared to my “now.” I’ll be happier, I’ll exercise more, I’ll find another love I can’t walk away from, I’ll have more money…I’ll just have a better life.
Now I’m sure some of those could very well turn out to be true…but now without my changing my mind frame. It’s not an “us vs. them” situation…or more to the point, a “now vs. then” situation. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing..or perhaps better expressed, I don’t have to pine toward the all of “then” and bemoan the nothing of “now.”
Can I write 8-10 hours a day now? No, of course not. I work two jobs, am finishing my PhD, and like occasional sleep…but can I write every day, even for 2-3 hours, thus establishing the habit now…for then? Yes, this I can do. Will I be happier if this happens? Of course.
Can I exercise more “now” thus making it less work to do “then?” OF course…will I? Hmmm….
Will I find another love I can’t walk away from? It seems likely if I put myself out there that this could happen.
Will I have more money? Hopefully…or at least less debt. Just as with exercise, every pound I lose or bill I pay now leads to a healthier then.
Will I be happier? Not unless I let of the negative energy NOW.

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June 11, 2012

Lying on a Beach…

Filed under: Writer's thoughts — michelle sodaro @ 3:45 pm
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Okay, so no, I’m not actually lying on a beach as I type this…sand is bad for a computer and even with as many techno-friends as this girl has, I’m pretty sure even they couldn’t get the sand out of the doodads were I actually to take my pretty pink computer to the sandy shores.

But I am picturing a beach…literally, it’s posted on the wall at eye level at my desk. And it serves a reminder…the stress and chaos that currently exist in my life…the very separate HAVE to-do list and WANT to-do list which barely even get to coincide on the same paper…all of the things that HAVE to get done which makes me stall on what I WANT to get done…for now. Yes, that is the for now of my life…but it is not the forever. The writing is forever, be it academic or creative, writing will always pump the blood through my body, will always push the air through my lungs, will always be the bread to my butter, the peanut butter to my jelly, the…I think we get the point.

The picture of the beach is of course my ultimate fantasy…I want to own an island…and everyone’s invited…well, scratch that, there is a list of very specific people that are NOT allowed on my island…and trust me, you know if you are on that list. I may, in reality never own an island…upkeep would be work I have no interest in doing and really all I want to do is be near the ocean and write…so living on someone else’s island would probably suffice for that…plus despite no oceans being anywhere in view…I am quite content in Kansas City for the moment.

My life is not quite where I want it right now…the ratio of HAVE to’s is far from proportionate from the WANT to’s and that makes me all spinny and wonky and more than a little growly but the goal is to grin and bear it until my life can be more shiny (and if that sentence made sense to you…you know me way too well and I adore you…and if that sentence made no sense to you…perhaps we should get better acquainted).

Mentally, I am lying on a beach…the sun is shining down on me, and my lappy is protected from the elements…and all I can see as I look out is the ocean…and I am full of peace…yup, that should get me through the week!!!

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