Sodaro's Stories

August 12, 2012

Still Counting

Filed under: Writer's thoughts — michelle sodaro @ 12:53 pm
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“Look deep into yourself before you blame all others for betrayal” Still Counting — Volbeat
A friend whom I have come to value more and more, in a conversation that started because of a song that got stuck in her head, challenged me to write about this song by Volbeat so that she wouldn’t mind as much if the song got stuck in her head. Challenge accepted, my friend.
Many of the words in the song are actually very fitting in my life right now, but in an effort to keep some modicum of privacy in this very public forum, I will write about this line in particular.
I lie to myself and betray myself all the time (otherwise the people who work in my gym would know me by name). Lying to myself opens the door for others to do the same. The outcome of this internal (and corresponding external) betrayal is a definitive lack of trust for the words that come out of my mouth. Case in point: “I will get Arianna’s Honor ready to publish by the end of May…nope June…nope July.” In this I have betrayed not only myself, but my characters and my friends who are waiting to meet those characters. The hesitation of publishing my 2nd novel is, of course, the ultimate betrayal because all I talk about is getting my novels out there and letting people meet my characters.
Every time I betray myself on this, every time I push back my date, my beautiful Muse (whom I have lied to far too often but somehow she still stands …well, flies by me) looks at me with hope that maybe this time I mean it.
I have been on that side of things. I know what it is to live in the “maybe this time I won’t be disappointed” world, and I hate that I have caused people (both real and imaginary) to feel this way. This stops now.
So thank you, my friend, for choosing this song to get stuck in your head, for it provided the much appreciated impetus for some much needed introspection and a promise to myself to stop lying and just get shit done.


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