No excuses

“Begin while others make excuses. Keep going while others are quitting.” Billy Cox

People ask me how I can teach full time (which I love) and write every day and I shrug and say “I just do.”

People make time for what is important to them and things that aren’t important, get excuses for why they aren’t getting done. (It seems this is also true for people who are or are not important to another person, but that’s for a different forum).

I know people who work a full time job and run miles every day. Or work full time and go to school. Or work full time and are single parents who still go to their kids games…or whatever it is that people CHOOSE to do with their non-work time. I CHOOSE to write.

I don’t believe in excuses. You either want to do something or you don’t. You either have what it takes to finish something or you won’t ever finish anything. One of the struggles I have as a teacher are excuses (After almost 19 years, I feel I have heard them all) because I feel that you either get things done or you don’t. Writing is important to me, so I start writing while others are telling me all the reasons they don’t have time. And I keep writing when they have quit…I don’t compare myself to other writers…I just keep going. I keep my eyes on the prize and put one more word after one more word after one more word on the page. My novels grows as I put another page after another page. I keep going because I know what it is to finish, and I will finish every project I have started.

NO excuses. NO quitting. GET THINGS DONE, SODARO

40 years of Fabulous

Yesterday was my 40th birthday and from beginning of day until day’s end, I had an amazing day. I started my day with writing and ended it with drinking with friends. So Happy 4th decade to me!!

I am so excited about this new chapter of my life. I have learned so much about so many things in the time I have spent teaching, writing, living…and I am POSITIVE the lessons of all my yesterdays will continue to shape and play a role in my present and future.

I am not who I was 10 years ago…I’m not who I was 5 years ago…not even one year ago. I have a clearer view of what I want in my life as well as what I can and will do without.

With the exception of what I write in my novels, I am drama free as much as I possibly can be and still be around people. As much as it is humanly possibly to do so, I avoid overly dramatic people. This goes for negative people as well.

I am actively pursuing my author life, which IS my future. People can support me (which so many do, and I thank you from my toes to my forehead) or they don’t have to support me, but my future plan is set.

I am on the tail-end of my full-time teaching career. I love where I teach and they respect me and the job that i do, while also supporting my goals.

I have absolutely no problem walking away from something or someone unhealthy for me. Life is too short.

I will continue to get myself healthier physically, emotional, and financially. There is also a game plan for this. Just like my first novel, life is “Whatever I Make of It,” and I am going to make this decade even more amazing than my 30’s were.

May Goals

1. Click send on Broken Trust

2. Change around my place to make to make it feel more like home.

3. Go for a walk every day it is possible.

4. Begin work on 2nd draft of Redeeming Trust, the sequel to Broken Trust.

5. Continue to make progress on Lucky Charms series.

6. Continue to work on becoming healthier in all aspects of my life.

7. Make progress on nonfiction projects.

8. Continue to work on being a better teacher.

9. Read more books.

And because I had to have 10, Hit 40 years old with a smile on my face (and a drink in my hand).

Favoritism — it’s impossible to avoid (A-Z blog)

Arianna Collins from my novels Arianna’s Honor and Arianna’s Destiny will always be my favorite character (shhhh…don’t tell my other characters).

Okay, I know…we aren’t really supposed to admit we have favorites. Parents are supposed to love all of the children the same amount and teachers are supposed to be completely unbiased and totally objective about all of their students. (I am not a parent, but trust me after 18 1/2 years of teaching, I definitely have some favorite and not-so-favorite students).

So Arianna is my favorite character. Those of you who have read her, might understand why. Then again, you might not.

One of the best parts of the writing process is I get to write characters who do things I could never do…they may have bits of my personality that come through once in a while, but in general, writing allows me to “be” different people.

Arianna is so brave and her fears never get the best of her. Her physical strength is added to her fierce loyalty and if ever there was a person I could call selfless, it would be my girl, Ari. She could be a super-hero or a sword-carrying, ass-kicking, violent Mother Teresa (sorry, yeah, that comparison was a bit too much for my brain as well).

The point of all of this is, as an author (or parent or teacher, etc.) you will have favorites. The trick is to treat all of your characters, kids, students, etc as if you love them all equally. No body has ever guessed my truly favorite student…and I plan to keep it that way, and I plan to keep my characters all thinking each of them is my favorite as well. It’s okay, my characters don’t read my blog.

Part of the writing process is writing the stories your characters have to tell. Arianna is my absolute favorite, and it is tempting to have more novels for her because she is the favorite…but I have to really look at it objectively  and think if she has a 3rd story to tell. Too many movie series, TV series, book series stay too long at the party.

Cautiously Optimistic

Sometimes things make sense and you have a good overall feeling about them. Maybe it’s sending a novel to my reader and my editor…and maybe it’s having a beer with a friend…maybe it’s having a job that you appreciate that reciprocates that appreciation…maybe it’s deciding you’re not afraid to take that next step and knowing that you are headed in the right direction because it all makes sense.

I turn 40 in a couple of months and in my time on this planet I have learned that some times things are going in the right direction and you have to just ride it out and trust in things and people. It’s hard to do…sometimes it’s hard to do with the fictional characters I created in my head for my novels…sometimes they don’t do what they are supposed to do, but sometimes their ideas are even better than my game plan. Sometimes this happens with real people too…sometimes they surprise you…sometimes it’s even in good ways. (haha)

I have discovered the benefits of being cautiously optimistic. Not looking at the world through rose-colored glasses, those have long since been stripped away, but being hopeful about a future I am working hard to make a reality. Not trusting every person I come across, but still having enough trust for those who haven’t yet broken it. My eyes are wide open, and I am very cautiously optimistic about my life right now.

K.I.S.S

No…I’m not becoming a Gene Simmons fan, nor am I offering to kiss everyone, sorry, I know that is disappointing. Keep It Simple, Stupid is an acronym that to me, completely helps explain Occam’s Razor (the simplest solution is usually the right one…I’m paraphrasing, but you get the gist).

I am working on simplifying my life. I am keeping a balance between my two professions (both of which I love and need at the moment)…my teaching life is strong and my students keep telling me they like what I’m doing. My author life is also strong and Broken Trust  will be out sometime next month. But I need to simplify. I need to look at things (and people) in my life and ask myself, “is this REALLY necessary?” “IS this a reflection of WHO I am now or is this something from who I USED to be?”

I almost titled this “Cleaning out My Closets” which, of course, made me think of the Eminem song, but after looking at his lyrics…the title was really the only thing that fit what I was trying to say, so I went with the idea of simplifying my life. I do enjoy when something has a literal and a figurative meaning, so I am kind of geeking out about the fact that I will be cleaning out my house for things I no longer need and cleaning out my memories for people whose lives have taken a different turn. Isn’t it nice when things work out like that?

My novels and my projects need my focus. My students need my focus too, as do my true friends and family. I need my home consolidated and organized and I need to look at the people in my life too…though they will, naturally, be more consolidated than organized. I need to look at everything and everyone and just see what still makes sense. I just need to Keep It Simple, Stupid.

Making Changes

So last week I gave up pop and started online dating (again). I am making some changes in my life because it’s time to do so. Every time I write the year, 2015, it pops into my head that I was born in 1975, and while I am not a math person, even I can do that math. I have taught for 18 years now and while I have found a school I love teaching for, I also made a rather large change in my life in 2011, when I published Whatever you Make of It, and then again in 2012 when I published Arianna’s Honor, and yup, you guessed it, last year when I published Ari’s sequel, Arianna’s Destiny. My life is not the same as it once was, and the more things change, the more I never want them to go back to what they were.

I gave up pop (or soda if you prefer…or sodapop if you are undecided) to be healthier. I have many plans for my life and I need to be the healthiest me I can possibly get to…I am going to get on the treadmill more and more often because I need to and, more importantly, because I want to. Today is day of no pop and thanks to flavored water (and caffeinated MIO) I am drinking more and more water and not really missing my CocaCola…it’s only been 8 days, and on the same page, it’s already been 8 days, if you catch my drift.

Online dating I am trying again because I need to make some changes in my personal life as well. I am finally ready to share my author life with someone. It’s past time and I need to put myself back out there again. It has been far too long…and of course, if it fails…I have that much more “research” for my novels (which will probably happen regardless).

It feels good to be taking some control of things in my life and making some changes as I continue to find the constant, fragile balance between teacher me and author me.

Looking back

2014 has been an amazing year as an author, a teacher, and a woman. It has been all about finding more about who I am and who I want to be. I have loved the progress and growth I have experienced throughout the course of 2014.

As an author, I published my third novel, Arianna’s Destiny and have absolutely loved the response I have gotten from my third “child” out into the  world. It has been a matter of streamlining the process and loving every minute of being an author. It is a beautiful process from start to finish and I have finished the first draft of First Down which will be my next novel. I have made progress on Driven West which is now 26 chapters in. I have also made progress on Seducing Cupid which is now about 45% completed. Stealing Second is also coming along nicely. I love my author life.

My life as a teacher, has been a complex roller coaster for the past 18 years. I have loved my students and lost some. I have helped some and have not been able to help others. I have cried at every graduation, and I have smiled at every student who has said I helped them accomplish their goals. It is a constant amazement and humbling experience that my students appreciate what I do.

As a woman, on this 39th year on the planet, I have realized more of what I want in my life, and what I don’t. I have realized that I want love, a real love, and that I am ready to put myself out there again. I am more aware of what matters to me in my life, what I want, what I don’t want…what I will compromise for and what I will not compromise for. I have become stronger than I have before and have learned to look at myself as more beautiful…and more worthy of love and happiness. This is the start of an amazing chapter of life, and I am so ready!!!!

Looking back over 2014, it has been a beautiful journey. Looking forward to what the new year brings. Stay with me, friends.

Starting out Behind

I love the beginnings of months. It always feels a bit like a fresh start…little mini blank slates (the ultimate blank slate of the calendar of course being in…oh look at that, just a few weeks now). And I always have so many plans for each month, things I hope to get accomplished and make progress on. Among that list is the novels I am writing, exercising more, getting my budget under control, etc. etc. etc. Some months I make more progress than others…and usually, I make the most consistent progress on my novels, figuring I can always exercise and get my spending under control next month, but I need to write RIGHT NOW!!!!

Right now I am feeling very behind. I am looking at my 2014 resolutions and I am looking at the days left in 2014 and I can’t help but notice my remaining to-do list is longer than there are days left in the year. I am behind on EVERYTHING…well, my job is where I am closest to not being completely behind (could I put more qualifiers on that sentence)…but that is because, it pays the bills I am behind on. The nature of my job, though (which I love and which has helped me love teaching again) is to never be completely caught up…there is always more to do…one more assignment to grade, paper to write, discussion to respond to, etc. etc. etc. So there is no sense of “done” (for those of you who know me, you know how much I like to mark things off my list as done…so this is an adjustment. 😀

I did get Arianna’s Destiny published this year, which I am extremely proud of and happy about…but I didn’t get any of my other planned novels out. I didn’t get any of my first drafts completely edited…need to get my covers made…need to get drafts finished…need to get so many things ready…set…go.

It’s hard for me to feel like I’m behind at the beginning of any month, but more so this month because the next new month is starting off 2015 and I really want to accomplish a lot of things in 2015…and I want to start off caught up, not behind…

So it looks like I have some work to do to finish out 2014 and start 2015 strong. 😀

No more fear

This morning I woke up and I felt like I could breathe again…felt like I could write again. What an amazing feeling to know not only what the problem is, but also what the solution is as well. 

I have lived too much of my life in fear, I have lived too much of my life telling myself what I do and do not deserve…I have lived too much of my life hiding. I never wanted to disappoint anyone — or let them down in anyway. I should really learn to include myself in that group. I should learn not to disappoint or let down myself as well. Fear has kept me from truly living my life…well there is no more fear. 

I have been afraid of success. I have been afraid I couldn’t love or didn’t deserve to have two careers that fulfill me. I have been afraid I had to EITHER be a teacher OR an author. A friend (many friends actually) asked me if the reason for the delay in publishing Arianna’s Destiny was because of a fear of success as an author. I laughed it off each time, but this morning I acknowledged the hold that fear has had on me. I have published three novels. I am going down the road of embracing the author life, and it’s new and it’s different and it’s scary, but there’s no more fear. I can fully embrace my present as a teacher and an author just as surely as I can embrace my future as a teacher and an author. 

I have mentioned before that I get in my own way at times. It seems I have stumbled again, but now I know the cause of the stumble, and that cause is fear…fear of success…fear of living the life I have always wanted…fear of being the person I have always wanted to be. That fear stops now. 

I took a long look in the mirror this morning…something I seldom do, but am going to start doing more often. I am going to continue to publish more novels (the goal for First Down is November/early December). I’m going to embrace both careers. I’m going to be financially successful and debt free. I am going to allow myself to love people regardless of what comes next. I am going to be the person, the teacher, the author I truly am, with no more hiding. I am going to live…with no more fear.